Why Hermione Is Different Than All The Other Girls
by Gwendolyn James
Summary: If the trio hadn't met on the train that day, things would be very different. Featuring Metro!Ron, Loser!Harry, Stalker!Hermione, and Smoker!Ginny.


Disclaimer: Wish it was mine.

A/N: This fic was inspired by a dream I had (I always have really weird dreams). The dream came after I watched the "What If" episode of Friends - if you don't know what I'm talking about, you're missing out.

* * *

"Ron? What's wrong?" 

Ron looked up at Hermione and grinned. "Nothing. Just thinking."

"Oooh, dangerous," Harry teased.

"What about?" Hermione asked with a smile. "Nothing too serious, I hope."

Ron laughed. "Nah, I was just wondering how our lives would be different if we hadn't met on the train that day."

"What, you mean if Hermione hadn't barged into our compartment looking for Neville's toad?" Harry grinned.

"Ex_cuse_ me, but I did not _barge_ anywhere, thank you very much," Hermione scolded. "I do believe I knocked politely before entering."

"_I_ don't remember that," Ron said with an innocent look. "I only seem to remember a bushy-haired girl telling me quite rudely that I had dirt on my nose."

"Oh, yes," Harry piped up, "I remember that too."

"Oh, shut up, you two." She stuck out her tongue at them and stuck her nose in a large textbook.

Ron pulled it from her grasp. "Come on, Hermione. You know you're only _pretending_ to read it anyway. We're much more fun than Ancient Runes."

"Don't be too sure about that," she retorted, trying to snatch her book out of his hands. He just tossed it over the back of the sofa and it landed on the Common Room floor with a _thud_. "Ron!" she cried in exasperation, leaning over the sofa to retrieve her book.

Ron just winked at Harry behind Hermione's back and resumed the original conversation. "So, whaddya think? What if Hermione hadn't barged – Ow! Sorry! – _knocked politely_ and entered into our lives six years ago?" He grinned. "How would things be different?"

"I doubt we'd be friends," Hermione said. "I mean, I'd probably hang around Neville a lot more."

"Yeah, and you'd probably be _his_ girlfriend instead of Ron's," Harry added, laughing at Ron's red ears.

"True," Hermione grinned, "but it wouldn't be _nearly_ as exciting."

Harry rolled his eyes. "What _would_ it be like, then?"

"I don't know," Ron replied, "but I bet it would be funny."

* * *

"Merlin, my hair looks _awful_ today!"

"Oh, c'mon, Ron, it's not that bad. No one will even notice."

"Harry, just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I can't look good." Ron checked his hair in the bathroom mirror one last time before heading out the door, Harry trailing along behind him. "Besides, I've got a date this afternoon."

"With Parvati?" Harry asked, pushing his slipping glasses farther up on his nose.

"Ugh, no. She was so last week."

"Who, then?"

"Er… Olive… Orange… Orla! That's it. Orla. I think she's a Ravenclaw."

Harry nodded. "Oh, right, Orla Quirke. She's nice."

"Nice? Who cares? She's gorgeous!" Ron winked.

"How do you do it, mate?" Harry shook his head. "How do you get the girls to fall all over you like that?"

"Hi, Harry!" came a timid voice from behind them.

"Oh, hey, Hermione," Harry answered, giving Ron a look. "Er… how are you?"

Hermione looked as if she was about to faint from excitement. "I'm… I'm great. Thanks for asking, Harry."

Ron sniggered, and Harry tried to think of how he could get away from Hermione as soon as possible. "Er… well… listen, Hermione…" She gazed up at him rapturously, and he cleared his throat to try again. "Yeah, er… I've got to go… class… now… right."

She looked extremely disappointed, but she nodded anyway. "Oh, alright then. See you in the Common Room later?"

"Yeah, sure." He felt Ron grab his sleeve and pull him backwards. "See you later."

Once they were safely out of earshot, Ron laughed out loud. "Merlin, Harry! And you say the girls fall all over _me_?" He snorted. "That girl fancies the pants off you!"

Harry groaned. "I know! How do I get rid of her?"

Ron just laughed harder. "Harry, when was the last time you had a date?"

"Well… never."

"Exactly! So ask that girl out and get snogging before you end up a permanent loser!"

"Hey, I resent that," Harry protested halfheartedly. "I'm not… well, okay, so I _am_ a loser. But c'mon, Ron! Hermione's like a _stalker_ or something! She follows me around, passes me 'love' notes in class, and draws my picture all over her notebooks! I've _seen_ it, and it's _scary_!"

Ron was doubled over with laughter.

Harry sighed. "All she ever wants to do is talk about school and books and homework and Ancient Runes. It's awful! She's completely… stop laughing!"

Ron struggled to catch his breath. "She can't be _that_ bad, Harry."

"But she _is_! Ron, you've _got_ to help me!"

"Fine, I'll help you, but how?" Ron leaned one shoulder against the corridor wall and crossed his arms over his chest. "She's obsessed with you, mate."

"Shut up, Ron." Harry sighed. "All I'm asking is for you to take Hermione out on a date."

Ron's eyes bugged out. "No way! Oh, come on, Harry! No!"

"Why not? You just said that she wasn't that bad! And besides," Harry pleaded, "if you take her out once, she'll be completely over me and you can dump her like you do all the rest!"

Ron narrowed his eyes and gave Harry a thoughtful look. After a few seconds, he took a deep breath and nodded. "Alright, I'll do it. But just this once! And just because you're my friend."

Harry grinned. "Thanks, mate. You won't regret this. I'll make it up to you."

"You'd better."

* * *

"Ronald Weasley! I would _not_ be a stalker! I can't believe you would say something like that!" Hermione reached over and smacked her boyfriend, who winced and laughed.

"Yes, you would!" Ron replied, scooting out of her reach. "You'd be in _luuuuurve _with Harry!"

"No, I would not!" she cried. "No offense, Harry."

"None taken," Harry grinned. "But you have to admit, it _would_ be pretty funny."

Hermione gave him The Look and reached over to smack Ron's arm again.

"Hey! What was that for?" Ron protested loudly.

"If you're going to be making up these outrageous lies, you might as well finish the story."

"Alright, alright," Ron muttered, rubbing his arm. "My date with Hermione the Stalker…"

"If you could even _get_ a date with me, you mean," she teased.

"I did it in _this_ universe," he grinned, "so why should an alternate one be any different?"

* * *

"I think I'm going crazy."

"Mmm-hmmm."

"Ginny… stop smoking for one second and listen! I've got a real problem!"

Ginny rolled her eyes, threw her cigarette on the ground, and stepped on it. "More trouble with the Boy Hero, Hermione?" she asked sarcastically.

"No, not this time," Hermione said worriedly. "Actually, it's… it's your brother."

"Which one?"

"Ron."

Ginny snorted and pushed back her dyed-black hair. "What did the King Git do now?"

"He asked me out. On a _date_." She started to chew on her bottom lip. "Well, at least, I _think_ he did."

"You _think_ he did?"

"Well… I think I might have been dreaming."

"Dreaming."

"Yes! Well, no. Oh, I don't know! I was in the corridors, hiding behind a suit of armor so I could see when Harry came out of class, when suddenly Ron was standing in front of me! He was winking and… and… I think he was _flirting_ with me, Gin!"

Ginny raised an eyebrow. "Probably. He'll flirt with anything that moves."

"Thanks, Gin," Hermione said dryly.

"Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist. You know what I mean." Ginny sighed. "So, what did he say?"

"Well, after he finished winking at me, he said, 'So, do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?'"

"And what did _you_ say?"

"I said no."

"Wh-what?" Ginny spluttered. "You said _no_?"

"I panicked!" Hermione cried, slapping a hand to her forehead. "I didn't know what to do!"

Ginny was doubled over with laughter. "No girl has ever said no to Ron!" she gasped. "_Merlin_, I wish I could have seen that!"

"Was it a stupid thing to do? Should I have said yes?" Hermione worried aloud.

"Good gods, no! He needs to be taken down a peg or two! I say good for you!"

* * *

"Oh, so you'd be _reluctant_ to go out with me?" Ron pouted.

Hermione scooted closer to him and grinned. "Upset over an _alternate_ universe, Ronniekins?" she teased.

"No," he grumbled. "But come on, Hermione, you know you'd be falling at my feet, madly in love with me the minute I asked you out."

"Hello, Ego. How are you today?"

"Shut up," Ron laughed. "Okay, fine. So maybe this alternate universe _is_ a bit biased."

Harry snorted. "Maybe _I_ should tell the rest of the story," he said. "You know, from an _objective_ standpoint."

* * *

"Ron, you're a lifesaver. How did you do it?" Harry asked.

"I just turned on the charm, and she practically fell at my feet." Ron grinned. "They always do."

Scornful laughter reached their ears from across the Common Room. "Why don't you just admit the _truth_, Ronald?"

"Shut up, _Ginevra_," he retorted.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked curiously.

"I _mean_," she said, sauntering over to them, "that our dear _Ronniekins_ had to _beg_ Hermione to go out with him."

"Shut. Up. Ginny," Ron growled. "Or else I'll tell Mum that you've been smoking out behind the Quidditch shed with your weirdo friends."

She ignored him. "First time _that's_ ever happened, eh, Ron?" she smirked. "You go after the only girl in this school with an actual _brain_ and she turns you down flat. Ironic, isn't it?"

Ron looked ready to spit nails.

"But, you finally convinced her. Bravo," Ginny added sarcastically.

Harry was fighting back laughter. "She turned you down?"

"She _obviously_ misunderstood the question when I asked her the first time," Ron gritted out. "_That's_ why I asked her again."

"Begged her, you mean."

Ron glared at his sister before turning to Harry. "You _really_ owe me for this one," he hissed between his teeth.

Harry grinned. "No problem."

* * *

"Oh, I love the begging," Hermione laughed. "Nice touch."

"Thanks," Harry replied.

"Oh, right. Like I'd actually beg," said Ron sulkily.

"Need I remind you of the first time you asked me out?" Hermione said pointedly.

"That was _not_ begging!"

"Mmm-hmmm."

"It wasn't!"

"Carry on with the story, Harry."

* * *

"I can't believe I said yes. Why did I say yes?"

"I believe your exact words were, 'why not?' Or something like that."

"Not funny, Ginny! Why did you make me say yes?"

"What? I didn't make you do anything! You did it all on your own, Hermione."

"So? You should have stopped me!" Hermione cried, checking her hair in the mirror for the umpteenth time. "Oh, this is all wrong!"

"Oh, good gods, Hermione. Get a grip!" Ginny rolled her eyes and lit a cigarette. "You look fine. Not like Ron will notice you hair anyway. He'll just be looking at your chest the entire time."

"My chest?" Hermione said faintly. "Oh, Merlin help us." She examined her reflection again. "I don't think he'll like my chest. I mean, there isn't much of one to speak of."

Ginny snorted. "Why is this so important? It's just Ron."

"But it's _not_ just Ron!" Hermione wailed. "It's Ron Weasley, the most popular boy in school! If I don't impress _him_, I can kiss my entire social life good-bye!"

"_What_ social life?" Ginny asked. "Your idea of a social life is hiding behind suits of armor to spy on Harry and Ron!"

"That's not true," Hermione protested weakly. "I have a social life."

"Come on, Hermione. Why don't you just admit that you fancy Ron and get it over with?"

"I do _not_ fancy Ron!"

Ginny nodded unconvincingly. "Riiiight."

"Ginny! I _don't_!" Hermione whined. "I really don't! I fancy Harry! I thought that much was obvious!"

"Then why did you agree to go out on a date with Ron?"

Hermione's jaw dropped. She tried to speak, but just ended up opening and closing her mouth a few times. Finally, she sighed. "I don't know why, okay? I just don't know why."

* * *

"Ow! What did I do now?"

"You'd better not be staring at my chest on this date."

"Hermione, it's a _hypothetical_ date, alright? And Harry's the one telling the story! If you're going to smack anyone, smack him!"

"Fine. Come here, Harry, and let me smack you."

* * *

"You look great."

"Thanks," Hermione blushed. "You look nice too."

Ron looked at her from across the table. "I'm glad you agree to come to Hogsmeade with me."

"Well, once you started begging, I really had no choice," she replied dryly.

It took him a moment to realize she was teasing him. "Well, I only beg the _really_ beautiful girls."

"Or the really stubborn ones," she grinned.

"Naturally."

Hermione looked at him seriously for a moment. "Why _did_ you ask me on a date, Ron? I mean, I'm not exactly your type."

"Oh? And what exactly _is_ my type?"

"Empty-headed beauties without a care in the world other than hair, makeup, and _you_."

"And that's a _bad_ thing?"

"To some it would be."

"To you?"

"Maybe."

Ron returned her serious stare. "Why did you say _yes_ when I asked you?"

"You're avoiding my question."

"You're avoiding _my_ question."

"I asked first."

He nodded. "Fair enough. Do you want the truth?"

"Always."

"Harry."

"Harry?"

"Harry asked me to take you out."

She stared at him, stunned, for a full minute. Finally she spoke. "Why?"

Ron paused, obviously weighing the consequences of telling her the truth. "He figured if I took you out, then you would forget about him and then I could dump you like I do all the rest."

"And you would both be free of me."

"I wouldn't put it like _that_…"

"Oh? How _would_ you put it then?"

He didn't answer.

She pushed her chair back and stood. "Thank you for a lovely evening, Ron, but I think I'll be going now."

"Hermione," he protested, pushing to his feet as well, "what if I said that I'm glad I asked you out?"

"I'd say you were a bad liar, but thank you for the sentiment. Goodnight, Ron."

* * *

"Ow! Stop hitting, Hermione!"

"Why would you tell such an awful story, Harry?"

"Because I foolishly assumed that you could tell the difference between real life and fantasy!"

"Oh, ha ha, very funny."

"It's _supposed_ to be!"

"Ronald, help me out here."

"Oh, no. I'm staying out of this. Finish the story, Harry, before she kills us both."

* * *

"So? How'd it go?"

"No so well. Sorry, mate."

"Ron, how could it _not_ go well? What did you do to her?"

Ron grimaced. "Well, I… er… I told her the truth."

"The truth about what exactly?"

"About why I asked her out."

Harry smacked a hand against his forehead. "What? Why would you do that? Why?"

"I don't know!" Ron huffed. "She _asked_ me, alright? And then she told me to be honest, and she was looking at me with those big brown eyes and I just couldn't lie to her! I couldn't do it, Harry!"

"Ron, you have never before had a problem with lying to a girl to get what you want! Why are you having a problem now? Why is this one so diff… oh." Harry looked at his friend in sudden understanding. "Oh, I see."

"See what?"

"You fancy her."

"I do not! I barely even know her!"

"So?"

"_So_, I can't fancy a girl I don't even know!"

"Since when?"

"Since… since _now_, that's when!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh, of course. Suddenly the rules have changed."

"Well, so what if I _do_ fancy her?" Ron retorted. "It's not like it matters! She hates the both of us now, so all this bloody _fancying_ will amount to nothing!"

"We'll see about that."

* * *

"Oh, Ron! You fancy me!" Hermione teased.

"Took you that long to figure it out?" Ron laughed, waggling his eyebrows.

"Ew! Come on, you guys! Get a room!" moaned Harry. "This is neither the time nor the place for your private snogging session."

"Finish the story, then," Ron grinned, "and make it good."

* * *

"I HATE RON WEASLEY!"

"This is an interesting turn of events."

"I mean it, Ginny! I hate him!"

"Just Ron?"

"What?"

"You just hate Ron? Not Harry?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Yes, I hate Harry too! But not as much as I hate Ron!"

"You know, they say that hate is closely linked to love."

"Shut up, Ginny."

"You're just mad because it's true."

"It is NOT!"

"Admit it, Hermione, you love him."

"I do not love him! He may be attractive and funny and kind, but I do _not_ love!"

"So you admit he's attractive."

"AAAAAARGH!"

"I knew it."

* * *

"Oh, is it _that_ hard to admit that I'm attractive, Hermione?" Ron pouted.

"Apparently."

"Shut up, Harry."

"Are you going to let me finish this story or not?"

"If you do a better job of it."

"I'm so underappreciated."

* * *

"I swear this has never happened to me before."

"Somehow, oddly enough, I believe that."

"You should – I'm serious," Ron replied. "I tried to apologize and she completely ignored me! I even used the maximum level of Patented Ronald Weasley Charm! I used the Weasley Wink and everything!"

"But you usually only pull that out in real emergencies."

"I know! And it _always_ works!"

"You could try a different tactic," Harry suggested. "I think perhaps we've underestimated Hermione."

"How so?"

"Well, she's obviously not like the other girls you've dated. Probably smarter than all of them combined."

"Yeah, I hate that about her."

"And aside from her stalkerish tendencies, I think she's actually quite perfect for you."

"I was afraid of that."

"You're going to need a new plan, seeing as how the Weasley Charm isn't working."

"Still haven't figured out why that is…"

"I think she just needs a different kind of charm."

"But I spent so much time perfecting the current one!"

"Do you want this girl or not?"

"That depends. How complicated is this going to be?"

"Ron."

"Oh, alright. What's the plan?"

* * *

"Oooh, this is going to be good!"

"Yeah, I can't wait!"

"Stop interrupting me!"

"Sorry, Harry."

"Sorry, Harry."

"_Thank_ you. Now, where was I?"

* * *

"HERMIONE! HERMIONE GRANGER!"

Her head snapped up. "What in the… What is he _doing_?"

Ginny looked up and rolled her eyes. "Looking for _you,_ apparently."

Ron had entered the Great Hall and was striding towards them, a determined look on his face.

"Oh, no… do you think he's seen me?" Hermione moaned, slumping down in her seat.

"HERMIONE!"

"Er, yeah," Ginny snorted. "Yeah, I think he has."

"This is _not_ good!" Hermione hissed, sliding under the table. "Make him go away!"

"Get out from under there, Hermione!" Ginny muttered. "You're acting like an idiot!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!" Ginny insisted. "You can't hide from him forever!"

"Yes, I can!"

"Ron! She's over here!" Ginny called. "Ow! Stop kicking me, Hermione!"

"Ginny!" Hermione wailed. "You're supposed to be helping me!"

"Hi, Hermione."

She glared at him. "What do you want, Ron?"

"Why are you under the table?" he grinned, holding out a hand to help her up. She took it reluctantly and let him pull her to her feet.

"I dropped my fork," she informed him stiffly, smoothing out her robes and avoiding his eyes. "Did you need something?"

"I need you to listen to me."

"Impossible _not_ to, with you howling like a banshee."

"Shut up, Ginny."

"Alright, I'm leaving," she muttered, gathering her things. "But you'd better not mess this up again, Ron."

"Go _away_, Ginny."

"I'm going, I'm going."

Hermione crossed her arms defiantly. "Get on with it, then."

* * *

"Alternate-universe Hermione is a lot like real-life Hermione, if you ask me."

"No one _did_ ask you, Ronald."

"See? They're both incredibly bossy. Ow! Sorry! I meant that they're both very _sweet_ and _gentle_."

"Nice try."

"Are you almost done with this story, Harry? I think I'm bleeding."

"Wimp."

"Tyrant."

"Do you even know what that means?"

"Of course I do!"

"Are you two finished?"

"Sorry, Harry. Carry on."

* * *

"Can you hurry this up? Everyone is staring at us."

"What? Oh, er, alright then," Ron muttered. He cleared his throat. "First off, I wanted to apologize."

"Good start."

"I'm sorry I only went out with you because Harry told me to."

She raised an eyebrow.

"No! No, that's not what I meant," he shook his head. "I didn't go out with you because Harry told me to… well, I _did_, but that wasn't the _only_ reason."

Up went the other eyebrow.

"What I mean is… it's just that… oh, bloody hell, Hermione! I _wanted_ to go out with you, alright?"

Both eyebrows shot _way_ up.

"Yeah, I did! I wanted to go out with you! How's that for the truth?"

"Why?"

"_Why?_ Because you're _different_! You're not like any other girl I've ever dated, and believe me, I've dated quite a few!"

"That's not the way to win the girl's heart, Ron."

"Weren't you _leaving_, Ginny?"

"I _was_, but this is much more interesting."

"Well then shut up and let me finish!"

"How am I different?"

Ron turned back to Hermione. "Well, I, er, I had a list… hang on." He fished through his pockets and pulled out a crinkled piece of paper.

Hermione peered over the top of it and saw the words _Why Hermione Is Different Than All The Other Girls_ scrawled across it, followed by a bulleted list. She bit back a laugh. Ron cleared his throat and gave her a silencing look. She grinned, but held her peace.

"Why Hermione Is Different," he read, his deep voice ringing clearly throughout the Great Hall. "Number One: She is the only girl who has ever turned me down when I asked her on a date."

A ripple of laughter moved throughout the student body. Hermione felt herself blushing as Ron continued.

"Number Two: She doesn't have blonde hair."

Even Hermione couldn't help laughing at that.

"Number Three: She is completely immune to the Patented Ronald Weasley Charm and the Weasley Wink."

"Is _that_ what that was?" she laughed. "I thought you had something in your eye."

He looked mildly affronted, but carried on with a smile. "Number Four: She's the only girl who has ever dumped _me_."

"It's about time!"

"Shut up, Ginny! Number Five…"

"Enough!" Hermione put a hand on his arm. "Enough."

"But Number Five was a good one."

"Ron," she laughed, "you don't have to go on."

He frowned. "Look, Hermione, I'm really sorry about this whole thing. All I wanted was to take you out on a date, but I messed it up. Will you give me another chance?"

"As long as Harry doesn't have anything to do with it this time."

"I'll make sure of that."

* * *

"Oh, Ron! You always say the sweetest things!"

"I try."

"Oh, come on, you guys! Enough with the snogging and slobbering already! I just had breakfast!"

Hermione laughed. "You're the one who told the story. You shouldn't have made Ron so irresistible."

"Ew! Hermione!" Harry moaned. "Overshare!"

"You know," Ron said thoughtfully, "our other selves didn't turn out to be so different from our real selves. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Besides the fact that _Harry_ told the story?"

"Ha ha, very funny."

"Yes, besides that."

Hermione shrugged. "Probably because it was meant to be."

"What was? You and Ron?"

"All of us. We're meant to be friends."

"Oooh, that was deep, Hermione."

"Shut up, Ron."

"No, no! Really! That was profound! Will you impart upon us another pearl of wisdom?" Ron batted his eyelashes girlishly and Hermione smacked him.

"Here's a pearl of wisdom: Make fun of your girlfriend one too many times, and you'll soon be missing some limbs."

"Point taken."

"You always were a quick one."

"Please don't start kissing again."

"Shut up, Harry."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "What _was_ Number Five on that list, O Great Narrator Harry?"

"Dunno. I was making them up as I went along."

"Guess I'll never know, then."

"_I_ could make up Number Five," Ron winked.

"If you two are going to start going at it again, I'm leaving!"

"Then get out of here, Harry," Ron teased. "Three's a crowd, you know."

"Alright, I'm leaving… Ew! Oh, come on, guys! You could at least wait till I'm out of the room! For the love of Merlin!"

"Hey, Harry! What's up?"

"Oh, hey, Ginny. Just trying to get away from them before I have to gouge my eyes out."

She laughed. "Yeah, they're pretty gross."

He made a face. "Wanna get out of here?"

"Definitely. I was just about to go out and have a smoke. Care to join me?"

His jaw dropped. "What?"

"Just kidding," she grinned. "You know I don't really smoke, right?"

"After today, I wouldn't be surprised."

FIN

* * *

A/N: So? What did you think? Leave me a pretty review and let me know! 


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